


but thy eternal summer shall not fade

by taeyongslut (jackbumtrash)



Series: lost stars (yutae) [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Heartbreak, I Will Go Down With This Ship, It gets confusing, Lee Taeyong-centric, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up, Rain, Sad, i mean i tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 12:25:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17549645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackbumtrash/pseuds/taeyongslut
Summary: Being one galaxy in the countless of Yuta’s universe doesn’t sound so bad after all.





	but thy eternal summer shall not fade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yuwuta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuwuta/gifts), [Danistigger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danistigger/gifts).



> sooooo i'm back again uwu  
> this is something from my wattpad but it's written in a different style there, so i decided to make it yutae because it was giving me serious yutae vibes lately lmao  
> title as you may see is from sonnet 18 because i love that shit (willy shakes is one of my faves lmao <33)  
> i would like to say thank you to [Danistigger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danistigger) for kudos-ing and bookmarking my ficlets thank u so much sweet <3  
> and that aside fuCC [yuwuta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuwuta) okay bby i love u but fucC u for that heartbreaking yutae the other day i'm still saD  
> also i hope y'alls enjoy this uwuuu  
> jsyk this is unbeta-ed so there's p much a boat load of errors here, so plis lmk if you find some big ones TT
> 
> N O T E: the time skips happen quite frequently and i have _chosen_ to **NOT** italicize/emphasize/differentiate the back and forth. it's _**on purpose**_. pls don't think it's because i forgot to edit properly lmao.

It's raining.

No, it's pouring.

Taeyong can't see a couple of steps ahead of himself, much less walk the entire way home, so he decides to find shelter. And luckily, hah, as if, (Taeyong almost scoffs at the mere absurdity of that word; he is _not_ lucky) he sees a kiosk in that park across the street.

He doesn't think twice.

Taeyong runs—hands over his head that do nothing to protect him from the onslaught of the rainstorm—and he makes it to the kiosk.

There's no one in the park right now. Well, who would be, in such a torrential downpour? _He_ is, though, Taeyong reminds himself, trying to find himself a distraction, hands rubbing at his arms, trying to produce some heat.

He is drenched. Soaked to the bone. his clothes stick to his body, as his hair to his face. It's cold, and the chilly gusts of wind blowing through the park don't help a bit. Taeyong shivers and the only warmth he knows of right now is the tears flowing non-stop down his cheeks.

He wipes them away, tries to take a deep breath through his nose, but he is unable to so he tries to breathe through his mouth. The inside of his mouth is wet and slick with more tears, and Taeyong finds that he can't breathe without having a whimper slip out of his lips.

He sniffles and gulps, tries to clear his throat, tries to force down the emotions choking him, tries not to sob, not to just break down, but Taeyong does not succeed with that either. It hurts. _Everything_ hurts. And Taeyong briefly wonders how he is going to carry on living anymore, when he can't even breathe now.

 _And_ the storm is only raging on and on, so Taeyong knows he'll be sitting here all by his lonesome for a while. He figures he might as well just cry it out.

Maybe it would make it hurt less?

 _“Will you go out with me?”_ Taeyong remembers Yuta asking, eyes downcast, fists clenched in nervousness, teeth on lower lip, and Taeyong can't react.

Wait, _what?_

Taeyong almost does a double take, closes his eyes shut, shakes his head, and then opens his eyes again, and finds Yuta in the same position as before. Okay, so Taeyong is not having a stupid daydream. About his friend. Thank the lord.

Taeyong is his friend, he’s been for a while, since Yuta helped him in the library when he’d fallen with a pile of books atop himself; and he likes Yuta, a lot. So Taeyong briefly wonders if it's a joke. That maybe Yuta is just messing with him, and the moment he replies with anything, Yuta will yell ‘psych!’.

But Taeyong knows Yuta, well enough to know that Yuta won't just joke about something like this.

So how does Taeyong answer?

Does he say yes, or does he say no?

Or does he just laugh and say that Yuta could've got him?

Taeyong is scared all of a sudden. He likes Yuta, a lot, sure he does, but does he think he likes Yuta romantically? Does he think, that if he says yes, they'll work? What if something goes wrong? What if they don't last as a couple?

Taeyong doesn't want to lose Yuta’s friendship.

“ _Please give us a chance, I promise I won't make you regret this, us_.” Yuta pleads, and Taeyong _knows_ Yuta, he _trusts_ Yuta, and he knows that Yuta is not a person to easily break their promises. So he gives in.

He says yes.

The instantaneous joy on Yuta’s face is palpable, such Taeyong can almost reach over and touch. Yuta comes close to him, wraps his arms around him, and Taeyong breathes Yuta in.

This is not his first time in Yuta’s arms, but somehow it feels different. _Yuta_ feels different. Maybe it's because Yuta has confessed to him and asked him out and he has said yes.

Maybe it's because Taeyong is anxious – _in a good way_ , he tells himself – and excited to know what this would entail.

Then Yuta pulls away, and pauses for a moment to just look at Taeyong.

His eyes are full of happiness, and partial disbelief, almost as if he thinks he is dreaming. That maybe Taeyong will disappear if he blinks.

And then Taeyong manages to smile at Yuta, a shy thing, it feels different, and voila! Yuta is virtually glowing, giving Taeyong back a smile that all but makes his heart skip a beat. And Taeyong wonders, _has Yuta always been so beautiful?_

Taeyong wipes his cheek, laugh-sobs. Sitting down on the tiled floor, he brings his knees to his chest. His wet jeans feel like ice against his skin, a shiver crawls down his spine. A hiccup breaks out, and he almost chokes on his tears.

 _How_ did _this_ happen?

How did it come to this?

Why couldn't he see it coming?

Was there anything he could've done to stop this day from coming?

Why did this have to happen to him of all people?

What had he done to deserve this?

_"I'm sorry, but there's someone else."_

Six words.

Six simple words. A pathetic excuse for an apology. This is what the end of their relationship is down to. Six words, maybe because Taeyong doesn't even deserve a proper explanation anymore.

Taeyong looks at Yuta’s face after Yuta has said this. Yuta looks every bit serious as he sounded just now.

So this is how it's going to be. Half a sentence for an apology, a pitiful look directed at Taeyong, and everything is supposed to be over and done with.

Taeyong keeps silent as he processes this. After being together for all this time, _Yuta can't do this anymore_.

Yuta can't live with Taeyong anymore; Yuta can't love Taeyong anymore.

Taeyong does not make Yuta happy anymore, even though his mere breathing is reason enough for Taeyong to be happy.

Because there's someone else now.

Someone else whom Yuta loves enough to let go of the love both of them shared for all these years. Because there's someone else Yuta is planning his life with, now.

And it raises a momentary question in his head, the question reeking only slightly of the horrible bitterness plaguing Taeyong’s insides right now, that to leave him like this after all they’ve been through, did Yuta even love him enough in the first place?

Was Taeyong ever enough for Yuta?

That the love Taeyong professed devotedly every day, did even a _word_ of that ever reach Yuta?

And what happens now, after this break-up, of the picture they’d painted of their life together?

Or had Taeyong painted it by himself?

Was it just Taeyong, making Yuta the sun his world revolved around, thinking of a life with Yuta as his grounding force?

Taeyong nods; a whispered _‘I understand,’_ being all that he can say right now, a smile curving his mouth he hopes Yuta can't see through. And Yuta does not, which is why Yuta smiles back at him, gratitude overshadowing the joy on his face at the latter being so understanding, so forgiving.

And Taeyong inwardly scoffs, in the rudest way possible, because this person — this person standing in front of him who can't see the agony behind his smile, who can't see the absolute heartbreak Taeyong is poorly disguising under this mask of understanding — this person is not his.

This is a stranger.

The one who was his, Taeyong lost when he accepted the transfer.

And it's _another_ question rearing its ugly head in his mind this time.

Was accepting the transfer really that big a mistake?

What was Taeyong even thinking; transferring to another continent for a better position, and a better salary, so he could help make the future of their relationship more financially stable, and secure?

So he could hopefully afford the destination wedding Yuta had been dreaming of since forever? Well, whatever forever meant.

For some, it meant the end of their days, the rest of their lives. Taeyong once thought it meant no different for the two of them, too. Especially since Yuta would keep reminding of how much he loved Taeyong. Especially when every time anyone talked about marriage Yuta would give Taeyong a look that'd speak volumes.

Especially since the stupid promise ring was still stuck on his pinky finger, a mocking souvenir of a love that'd failed the test of distance and time.

"They’re telling me to transfer to the other branch for a while, a while that ranges from four to about six months, probably." Taeyong sulks into the phone, telling Yuta about the orders from his superiors he received just about an hour ago.

" . . . Are you going to accept it?" Yuta asks, voice calm and soft and understanding, and Taeyong becomes even more confused.

"I don't want to leave you here. I don't want to be without you." Taeyong tells Yuta, in a heartbeat because that's what matters the most, because Yuta matters the most, because Yuta is his first priority.

" . . . But?" Yuta asks, oh so perceptive, and Taeyong audibly groans.

"But this is a huge opportunity for me, and if this works out, I’ll be getting a promotion, and I can finally buy us a bigger apartment," He mumbles, reasoning, and somehow he knows that by the time this phone call is over, Yuta is going to convince him to accept the transfer.

“I don't really care about a fancy apartment, babe. Tell me, will accepting the transfer, getting your training, and then your well-deserved promotion, not make you happy, and satisfied?" Yuta asks patiently, static blurring his voice for a millisecond, and Taeyong nods, sighing.

Then remembering that Yuta can't see him through the phone, Taeyong hums into the speaker. A long, drawn-out hum, one that doesn't sound like a yes, but it doesn't sound like a no, either; it's just there, his acknowledgment.

“Could you maybe say what you think about this? There can be a million assumptions to the meaning behind your groan." Yuta’s tone is slightly teasing, and Taeyong hears a soft laugh, and a smile tugs at his lips.

“I suppose satisfaction and happiness aren't that bad of feelings. I'd like to feel happy and satisfied." Taeyong answers into the phone (knowing little, that in the near future he would be anything but), and hears a tiny chuckle in return.

“Then I suppose I should start looking for fancier apartments," Yuta replies, still teasing, and Taeyong laughs this time because god, he loves Yuta so much.

“How's your work going on? Are the children being good to you?" Taeyong asks Yuta, knowing that while it is the job of his dreams, being a pediatrician can be so stressful.

“They’re angels. And work is all fine. Though I could use your wonderful back massage when I get home." Yuta replies, and while he sounds so fond talking about the children, Taeyong notices the lingering fatigue in his voice and he makes a mental note to prepare Yuta a relaxing, hot water bath when he gets home.

“Then you better come soon, I love you, and I’ll see you at home." Taeyong tells Yuta before he hears back an ‘I love you’, a kiss noise, and the call disconnects.

Taeyong dry heaves. He has cried too much and he can't breathe. He needs water to drink, but there's no possible way to get some now, not during this thunderstorm, so he gulps, and gulps, and gulps trying to soothe his desert of a throat and make some progress, only to break into a sobbing fit.

He wonders if he is going to die. If it is even possible to die of heartbreak.

And he vaguely remembers Yuta telling him during his first years of med school about it being a possibility to die from a broken heart, something about tendons or heartstrings or whatever (Taeyong never understood biology anyway, business was more his forté), and he wonders if this is it.

That this is how it ends.

How Taeyong ends.

Sobbing himself to death over a person who's no longer there, who no longer cares, who's on a flight to wherever in South Africa his new partner is waiting for him with stars in their eyes. Seems like Taeyong has hit a new level of pathetic.

Heartbreak. Taeyong had only heard of it before. Seen how it was supposed to look like, in movies. Heard what it was supposed to feel like, in the lyrics of songs. Never felt it before. Taeyong had had a life abundant with love. Everywhere Taeyong looked, people were smiling, their eyes were full of hopes, and dreams. People loved and loved, and got loved back in return. Love was something Taeyong had heard so much about. Love was something Taeyong had felt so much of. Taeyong had loved so much, gotten loved back so much that his heart bleeds now to even think of it all.

How can someone love like that, and then move on just as fast?

How does one let go of a love so long, a love so old, that it's all you’ve ever known?

Pretty easily, apparently. Taeyong thinks, _Yuta_ did. Yuta did give up on Taeyong, on their love, on their hopes and his dreams. Yuta gave up on their forever. Yuta gave up on the life they both were going to share with each other.

“These ten years have passed by like the wind. And nothing besides my love for you growing exponentially, has happened. I would say you mean the world to me, but you are so much more than that, and I wouldn’t do you such dishonor as to try and quantify you, or to quantify what you mean to me. Just know that you are everything to me, and I love you like the sun loves the earth, the way nature loves her children. And I know for sure that I can see myself sharing the rest of our lives together. I promise to love you, to cherish you, and to be devoted to you and only you for as long as I can.

“For as long as you’ll love me. For as long as you’ll have me. I promise to love you till the end of eternity,” Taeyong declares, and pauses, and then presents the ruby ring to Yuta, “This is my promise, one I definitely plan on keeping.”

Yuta clears his throat, eyes teary and glistening, a shaky smile on his lips. “I love you so much,” he whispers, gives Taeyong his hand, and Taeyong puts the ring on his pinky finger.

“I love you too.”

Taeyong sniffles, and wipes his tears for the umpteenth time. His eyes catch a glimpse of the promise ring again, and all it does is make him want to cry harder. His head is aching now. How long has he been crying for? Out in the rain like this?

Taeyong checks his wristwatch, and the time it tells is four in the afternoon.

Oh.

So it’s only been less than two hours. Less than two hours since he was reduced to this sorry state. Less than two hours since he dropped off the love of his life at the airport, to probably never see him again. Why does it feel like forever, then?

Like it’s been forever since Taeyong last saw Yuta?

Forever.

Taeyong almost laughs at the word again.

How long is this word going to haunt him, he wonders?

Ringing snaps him out of his thoughts. It’s his phone, and when he takes it out of his pocket, the contact it shows is Yuta’s. Talk of the devil. Taeyong gulps down whatever is left of his tears, clears his throat and receives the call.

“The flight’s about to take off. I’ll call you when we land, get home safe,” he hears Yuta saying, and hums in answer, not trying to risk his voice breaking with the other online.

“I love you,” Yuta says, probably out of habit before hanging up.

And it’s a bittersweet pain that plagues his heart.

Because that is the worst part; that even though Yuta loves someone else now, that even though somebody else is in his life now, Yuta still loves Taeyong. That there is still some part of Yuta that adores Taeyong, some part of Yuta that still aches for Taeyong; it’s just a little less than before, now.

Before, Taeyong was the center of Yuta’s universe; now he is just one galaxy in countless.

That thought brings an unexpected smile to his face. At least he is still a part of his universe; even though Yuta continues to be his whole.

Taeyong gets home, he doesn’t know how.

He doesn’t know when the rain stopped. He is drying his hair from the hot shower he just took to hopefully cleanse himself of all the grime and the filth from sitting in the rain, of all the grief and the pain of the heartbreak.

He can almost see Yuta cooking in the kitchen. He can almost see Yuta sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, beckoning him over, towards his lap. Taeyong can see Yuta climbing on the chair to clean the corners of the ceiling, his mouth covered with a rag. There Yuta is, fiercely vacuuming the floor because he felt it was too dusty.

Something rubs against his leg, it’s Ruby, his dog. She is barking for his attention. As he moves towards the kitchen to fetch her food, the images of his beloved disappear. Vigorous, chirpy yipping follows him, nipping at his ankles, and for the second time since this morning, Taeyong smiles; only this time it’s absolutely genuine.

Being one galaxy in the countless of Yuta’s universe doesn’t sound so bad after all.

And he knows that while it won’t happen today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon; there’s one thing for certain.

There will certainly come a time when Taeyong will be able to think of Yuta, and smile.

And there won’t be any pain; just soft, sweet remembrance.

**Author's Note:**

> if you did like this pls gimme some kudos??? *grabby hands* and pls comment and lmk what you think about this lil fic it would make me v v v v happy uwuuuu  
> have a good day/night wherever u are  
> i love u  
> remember ur loved and important and gorgeous  
> <333
> 
> my [twt](https://twitter.com/glitteryongs) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/glitteryongs) in case u wanna scream @ or w me abt smth. 💌


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